Find Ease Part 4: It Takes a Village to Stay Accountable
No one achieves success alone — it takes a village or a team. Make yours.
“Twenty years ago, I wrote a book called It Takes a Village. And a lot of people looked at the title and asked, ‘What the heck do you mean by that?’ This is what I mean. None of us can raise a family, build a business, heal a community or lift a country totally alone.” — Hillary Clinton
As a mom and an entrepreneur and a community founder and member, I see the wisdom of this. We can’t do it all alone. Around the same time I read this question from Danielle LaPorte:
“Who can you call at midnight?”
Oof, that hit home AND made my heart sink. I could not think of anyone besides my mom and my husband that I could call at midnight, I had this sinking feeling that they were not the people who Danielle was asking about. But I remember that really shifted my perception of who I wanted to become. I wanted to have really meaningful relationships with people who might pick up the phone in the middle of the night if I really needed them.
We Need Accountability Too
We need a village and people we can call in the middle of the night for emotional and logistical support. We need a team because we have an area of expertise and other people are good at things we don’t excel at or love. And because the external world we currently live in is stacked against our success, we also need to build in accountability.
Accountability does not mean your husband and kids have your back, or your best friend, or your parents, is constantly telling you that you will succeed.
It is not your loved ones job to hold your hand (for everything), but it is very hard to make big changes alone, with what we know and what we have been conditioned to believe. I realized the hard way that my husband was not the one to talk biz with, and that not all my friends wanted to talk about vegetables or parenting. (Side note, my husband is an amazing team member for certain aspects of our life.)
Accountability is really about you taking the personal responsibility to show up to being the person you are called to be, and finding the support to make that happen.
Village, Community, Team…
I refer to “my village” when I am thinking about kids. I tend to use community and team when I’m talking about work. Both include a variety of supports, including accountability.
I am always constructing accountability for a goal. Sometimes different seasons need a different team, and sometimes different goals need their own team, systems, or community. One of the best things I ever did for myself was get conscious about my “village.”
Literally, a village is made up of people, systems, tools, structures, different areas. Every village has a vibe and values. A village that has been around for 100s of years in a cold climate is different than a new village in a warm climate. Neither is better or worse. They are just different.
Today, I want to focus on what a village could look like, give you some examples of mine, and give you a framework for building yours.
In my mind, a great village (the kind you or I might build) starts with values, structure, rules and goals. That is where I always start with clients, in FLOW365 or privately. Then any good village might have:
- Real people you know like family and friends — It doesn’t have to feel “perfect.” Some of these people show up to show you lessons you need to learn.
- Some people who truly see you — the Danielle laPorte midnight call peeps.
- Some elders
- Hired professionals — therapist, coach, home organizer, nutritionist, virtual assistant … These will vary depending on what you are building.
- Systems that support your values or goals — You may learn or implement these with teachers or an online course or book
- IMPORTANT: You and Your intuition are also important members of your village. You are the leader.
My Village Supports All Areas of My Life
I divide my village into neighborhoods or areas. Each one has some of the components that may change, as my village has some stability and some more fluid parts. My goals dictate how much attention each area needs.
The areas that I roll in became FLOW – food and wellness, lifestyle (family, home, relationships), om (spirituality + selfcare), work.
My Work Area:
- Me and my intuition
- The Plan Simple team: podcast team, writer, virtual assistant(s)
- Business coach
- 5 friends who I really trust to talk about all things biz
- Networking
- 2 colleagues who I check in with weekly
- Mindset practitioners
- Classes
My Om Area:
- Me and my intuition
- Shaman
- Books
- Healers as they come into my awareness
- 3–5 amazing friends
- Coach
My Food Area:
- Me and my intuition
- My family
- My weekly plan
- Tess Masters
- Farms, stores and restaurants I trust
- Stack of books and trainings on perimenopause
My Lifestyle Area:
- Me and my intuition
- My kids
- Kids coaches
- Grandparents
- College advisor
- Contractor
My lifestyle is a good example of building up different pieces at different times (90-day seasons) and how we may need different accountability, different village focus, at different times. Last year, my daughter had a crisis and the Mothering neighborhood of my Lifestyle area came to the forefront.
My Mothering Team Last Year
- Sil Reynolds, also an elder
- Nutritionist
- Acupuncturist
- Daughter’s Therapist
- Our family, which involved some elders
- Dog
- So many books
- Friends with similar situation
- Meditation
- Somatic Healer
Setting Up Your Village
Only you know what and who REALLY needs to be part of your village. Trust yourself.
Trust that “life” does not always have to fight your desires. You can become the sovereign leader of your village and fill it with what you need.
Think about a goal that you are having trouble with. Consider the area of your village you could build for that goal. Remember, your villages will have more stable parts and more fluid parts. You’ll build and change them as you need them.
Maybe you have been meaning to write a book:
- Coach
- Method, could be in a book or youtube video
- Friend you you check in with weekly
- A writing group or retreat
- A declaration to yourself
- Meditation
Maybe you have been meaning to clean out the garage:
- Your partner
- Your kids
- Neighborhood kids
- Decluttering Consultant
- A friend
- A group
Maybe you have been meaning to finally get healthy:
- Method
- Nutritionist
- Mindset Coach
- Gym
- A friend (probably a different one than the one who helped with the garage).
- A group
- A plan
I love making a village map, so I can literally see the support around me. I take out a blank piece of paper and write my goal in a circle. Then I make my goal foundation and tribe, so I have the support I need to make it happen.
We have created a template in the FROM OVERWHELM TO EASE course workbook, but you can do this on scrap paper or in your journal too.
2 things that might help if you are feeling unworthy
#1. It can be uncomfortable if your spouse, your mom, your best friend, or somebody important to you does not have the seat at the table you thought they would or that they thought they had. To deal with this, make a list of those super important people, and then list what they are just the best at. Where are they just the support you need? Communicate this to them. It will make both of you feel so great!
#2. Consider how you can be of service in other people’s villages. You will not do this at the cost of your village, but leader to leader.
You are capable of great things. If you have had a hard time creating time for them, you might just be sick of going at it alone…. As you should be!
This idea of a village, a tribe, a loving community, supporting systems —all supporting you to be your best self — is the basis for our program FLOW365.
If you are curious about what it would be like to create your village and have some amazing instant supporting village mates (Dannielle Laporte quality)…
If feedback on a goal or obstacle sounds like a huge relief (which happens when you have a coach and healers in your village) …
If you can imagine being held, not only by amazing people but also the support of a system made specifically for women wearing all the hats …
If you’ve been wishing you could get to your next level and to follow through in the most loving and easeful way … let’s chat.
I set aside a few hours every week to connect with women who are ready for their next “customized” doable change — even in the midst of a very full time. If this sounds fun with a twist of scary, I bet it’s a great move. (And I am so not scary!)
That day that I drew the line in the sand, and chose yoga instead of more coffee, I also introduced myself to the owner of the studio. This was way out of my comfort zone, but it is what led me to a way of eating that changed my life.
Head on over to plansimple.com/talktomia, find a time that works for you, and let’s chat.
And whether you end up connecting with me or not, for the love of your family and you, please, take the time to connect with your intuition, make a goal for this season, start taking back the control of your days, and create your village, so you are supported in the way that you truly deserve. You’ve got this!
