Make Big Changes Without Feeling Like an Outcast
When the going gets tough. We hide. Well, I don’t know about you but I do… When we make changes in our lives it can feel strange to us, our families and our friends. Others may resist our changes because they feel threatened. They wonder if you are judging them. They don’t want to change or even think that they might have to. They are uncomfortable when you don’t do the things you always did before. As humans, we are not programmed to love change, so this is totally normal.
It’s hard to stick to our changes when we are getting disapproval or too many questions or enticements to do what everyone else is doing and just fit in. But you can do it. With your why, a plan, and a little accountability and support you can do it.
5 Steps to Make the Change You Crave
Here’s what you need to get through the discomfort to stick with the changes you crave.
1. Accept that change is hard and feel OK with change.
Do one doable change at a time. Know your big why. When I made my big change to lose weight, it was really about having energy. I didn’t know how to cook, but I did what was doable. For me it was making 5 not-even recipes day after day until I got the energy. Then I learned how to cook. Then I was able to integrate healthy eating into our family. But it all happened by commiting to what felt doable. What is doable to you is different from what is doable for other people.
2. Keep it super simple.
Big change can feel overwhelming, that why here at Plan Simple, we focus on One Doable change at a time. I like to look at Doable Changes as experiments. Lean into one change at a time and see how if feels. We include ideas for doable changes at the end of every podcast. (Just remember to focus on one at a time.)
3. Recall what works regularly.
Write down what you are grateful for. Write down the “magic moments”—those times when what we need comes to us when we make choices and take actions to move toward our goals. It helps us block out what other people think and focus on what is working. It also helps us quiet our own mind from telling us we are crazy for doing this. Write down the shifts. Write down the ways life is getting better. Learn to notice the magic. Write it down. Look back at that when it feels hard. Keep going.
4. Don’t lecture, just lead.
When you start to make amazing changes in your life, people notice. They notice your glow or your energy or how organized your house is or how unflustered you seem all the time. People start to ask questions. We want others to feel amazing too, and sometimes our response comes out as a lecture or judgey way: You need to give up gluten or commit to yoga or stop overscheduling your kids or set regular work hours …
Instead, be a walking example. Bring a gluten-free treat to a party so that people can love what you love instead of notice what you aren’t doing. Live your calm or your energy or your joy … whatever good comes up for you.
5. Find accountability.
Not everybody will be ready for the changes you are making. Having like-minded people to talk to when things get hard and to hold you accountable can make all the difference. You may find these people at your school, in a moms group, or in Facebook groups. Check-in weekly just to tell someone what you are planning to do — from not yelling at the kids to eating more kale to finishing the presentation that you are working on—and then check in to say how it went.
If you want to look at your life holistically and make big changes, FLOW 365 might be just what you are looking for. We mix big vision goal setting, planning around your cycles, resources to help you keep moving forward with regular support and accountability. Check it out here >> FLOW 365
Doable Changes from this episode:
EXPERIMENT WITH ONE THING. Drink enough water daily. Go to bed on time. Eat more veggies. Only work during work hours. Get outside every day. What one change will move you toward your bigger goal? Whether it’s a health goal or a work goal or a lifestyle change or moving toward better self-care, the big change comes from repeated little changes. Choose one doable change to experiment with. Lean into it for a week and see how it feels. Do you want to keep going? Do you need to tweak it?
SCHEDULE SOMETHING. Pick one thing you want this week and schedule it on your calendar. It could be your morning meditation, dinner prep to eat better, the writing time you need to move forward on your book, your favorite yoga class or even downtime. Put it on your calendar and hold that time sacred to what you scheduled it for.
NOTICE YOUR MAGIC MOMENTS. Magic moments are those things that crop up once we commit to a change or a goal. Maybe your 5-year-old notices that you didn’t yell today or you find your teen trying to meditate after seeing you doing it the morning after morning. Perhaps you get an email from a coach who’s program exactly fits your needs after telling your friend what you wanted to do. Maybe it’s an aha you had about how to move forward or reaching a milestone. Notice and write these down. Go back to them when you feel unsure about your path.
